The Vegas Male Thong

As a resident of Vegas, let me tell you: Vegas loves nothing more than to put dicks into thongs. Hello, gift-wrapped cock. Hello, unpeeled banana. Shall I sing to you the ballad of the thong while a thong-string plucks away in the distance between the open-back resonator of distant buttocks? (Hint: I shall).

The thong is a reminder ribbon tied around the dick: Do not forget! To fuck me!

The thong is the outlined map of the cock and balls, the topography of the land with one national language: Fucking Spoken Here.

The thong is a straitjacket to help prevent the dick from going crazy. Dick, when I take this off I know that you are going to lose your mind.

Thonged dick, like a sea turtle stuck in a longline fishing net, your prowess is wrongly held captive. I wish to free you. Wriggle out, nimble meat tube! Fuck me so that I may go trawling for other dick in the sea!

The thong is like a drag racing parachute that has opened to slow down the dick on its journey to pussy. If it weren't for its hesitant caution, there might be fire.

Thong, you are a silky cocoon that will one day burst open to help a boner take flight.

Behold: the Male Power Sheer Bong Thong 442-07.

Why is it called "bong?" Why not. Who is not getting high off of this cock. It is brimming with THC: Tasty Human Cum. I love that it is camouflage, as though the dick is hiding from me in the woods. Come out, dick, I can see you. Come out with your head held high.A personal favorite are the mesh thongs. They take cock down to lunchlady town, sexy hairnet style. One could rock this bald, but tufts of pubes forced into a hold-pattern, quilted in time, make this an especially delicious concept for those of us who like to be furminated by manbushes. This thong could even make crabs seem a little cute and in-theme. Quick, turn diseased pubes into kitsch by adding a tiny starfish and a shell with eyes glued on! Crisis averted. A fuck that would normally have to be canceled can now proceed.

There is also the balls-in-one. Two balls combine forces. It is a cooperative thong. If you fantasize about fucking cyclops men, chances are you will love the balls-in-one. Go ahead, dick, put both your eggs in one basket.

There are even thongs with cock rings. With this ring, I thee fuck. I promise to be faithful and true until I cum. I promise to comfort and keep you, if comfort means hopping up and down upon your purple little head until it grows violet.

Yes, summer approaches. There is nothing like lowering a thong that has been moistened with sweat, then peeling apart the various sandwich pieces of the dick-and-scrotum-melt. Extra mayo, please. If you listen closely, you will hear the sound of plastic cling wrap. That's right, the thong has kept these treats locked in fresh for your pleasure.


  1. "Quick, turn diseased pubes into kitsch by adding a tiny starfish and a shell with eyes glued on! Crisis averted. A fuck that would normally have to be canceled can now proceed."
    This is probably the most genius thing I have ever read in my entire life.

  2. you have slayed my ass into the stratosphere with this post. best thing i've read on here yet and that's saying a lot as i LOVE me some Liger bEAAATTTTTT.

  3. i'll take boxer briefs over a thong any day...but still...i loled. very well written.

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