Dear Heavy Nose Breathing Man,

While I can understand being a little short of breath while running to meet the subway, there is no good reason why you should spend the entire 20 minute train ride essentially panting through your nostrils. I see upon closer inspection you have what seems to be end stage syphilis covering what must have once been you nose and mouth. I've come to terms with the fact that I'm going to hell for my shitty thoughts, but I dont need to get there faster by sitting in your syphilitic miasma, which is making me increasingly more paranoid by the minute. Seriously guy, we live in the first world and last I checked, it this isn't the lords usual way of smiting people anymore. Go to the doctor, get some penicillen, and while your there, get a referral for throat and nose specialist. I don't not pay my taxes just to listen to your panting, laborious breathing disrupt the calm of my subway man hunting.
All the best,
Yung Ho