12.29.2009

Muy Importante!!!! Dicks on the move

Yo Yo Yo!!

We Changed Our Name To Candy Rain...

Our blog is now at candyrainmagazine.wordpress.com


We also moved our dicks! Our new website is Candyrainmagazine.com

check it

12.28.2009

LADY GAGA = THE ANTI CHRIST

So I have been ranting for a few weeks about how I believe Lady Gaga is "brain washing the youth of America." Everyone and their mother seems to love this chick, and I cannot see why. She's a puppet, a barbie, plastic and easily changed. We all know she desperately seeks attention, good or bad, and succeeds in all ways. Even if you hate her with a deep, burning passion, you cannot stop talking about her. Gaga gaga gaga gaga gaga. It's all I hear these days. After reading this article I'm am thoroughly convinced she is either the anti-christ or whoever she works for is.

http://vigilantcitizen.com/?p=2737













look familiar?????

everytime i lift my shirt, a part of me dies inside

oh america and your crazy sex stories....

I'd elect him

MA State Senator Scott P. Brown was banging! I don't care if it fucks up his career now, I'd hit it in a second!


read more:
http://gawker.com/5422527/naked-guy-wins-gop-nomination-for-kennedy-seat

vintage porn


God even porn was cooler in 1920s.

Germany has the right idea!


Think tabloid wars are intense in America? This is part of a newspaper war in Germany! If I had a nickle for everytime I wanted to put a giant penis on someone's building.....
Read more:
http://gawker.com/5419158/giant-penis-on-building-apparently-part-of-german-newspaper-dispute

12.25.2009

Gather round the family for candy rains holiday movie

Nothing puts me in a better holiday spirit than watching some of my favorite Christmas movies about family, love and giving. Candy Rain Presents to you Sensational Janine. I give it three out of four jizz faces



MasonRoseLee

12.20.2009

New Years Eve... where yo dick at??


Spend your New Years with people you actually like... bring a friend and toast to another successful year... cause that's what we're doin!!

xoxo,

The Ladies Who Love You

12.18.2009

Panty Ride Protesting Bedford Bike Lane Removal

On a serious note, ladies and gents, we need your brains. Now generally, we got our cameras on the dicks, but after the recent removal of an important and widely used bike lane in Brooklyn a panty ride is scheduled tomorrow in protest. Candy Rain, your favorite source for life, is sponsoring the event, and, we need some stats. We're looking for some specific information to combat the claim that cyclists endanger the children in that area (though many speculate the removals motives... and I don't even know where to begin on that shit)

For more information on the ride check read the blog below, or this article (or you can just google this shit, it's spread all over the walls)...http://blogs.villagevoice.com/runninscared/archives/2009/12/transportation_1.php


When was the bike lane removal approved?
How many children were injured by cyclists in that area in the past year?
Are any other bike lanes being removed for the same reason?
Are there any new bike lanes proposed?

How many cyclists in that area were hit on non-bike laned roads?
How many cyclists were hit in that area, in general?

Were there any prior complains about the bike lane? If so, what were the complaints?

Were there any complaints made by cyclists about harrasment from community members in that area?


Also, on a general note, in New York City:

Groups assembling must be kept to 50 people. If more than one group assembles, how far apart do they need to be?

Ride and Die? Screw that! Nekked Bikers Protest 12/19/09

It's a dark tale...of death, corruption, and bigotry abounding in our little corner of Brooklyn. The American youth has posted up throughout the borough, screaming as Santigold put it best; "Its our time, put the lights on us!" Its more than just a coagulation of individuals in a general age group, its a bubbling, surging brew of revolution - by no means unique, but surely needed in a time when the world community has realized...'Sh*t....that didn't work. What now?' There is a lifestyle affixed to sed revolutes: straight women with access to porn, barter employment systems, and BIKING. C'mon, no emissions, no feeding $2.25 to a transit system that can't even provide handicap access, no fat ass (ehem you know that whole obesity thing is an issue)....and the more people who ride, the less SUV congestion we have on our hands. Its sugary goodness. And if you've never taken a high speed dive through the streets of brooklyn with the wind in your respritory cavities and graffitti in your peripherals, then my friend, you are missing out on life.

As good as that all sounds, the Hasidic community of Bedford Avenue disagrees. In 2007 the city acquiesced to the pleas of Brooklyn Bikers and installed an $11,000 bike lane on Bedford Avenue; a straight safe shot to the Williamsburg Bridge (a main vein between the boroughs). However, this november the city threw another $15,000 into the proverbial toilet to SANDBLAST THE BIKE LANE OFF. Why? Well, religious pundits of the Hassidic community had claimed that the bike lane makes it hard for their gentlemen to 'avert their eyes from the scantily clad female bikers' and poses a threat to children exiting school buses. [blank stare] Its NOVEMBER! The argument is moot, we don't normally tend to ride in our skivies during the winter. And I assure you, we will see and avoid your child crossing the street because we HAVE to pay attention - but that douche in an x-terra trying to download shakira on his blackberry may not. Seeing as this cash and submission came up curiously around an election, we'd like to share a few thoughts with Bloomberg, pundits and Community:

1). We are not dumb. Good work on making that corruption so blatant, it makes your argument void. Just admit that there is some ironic discrimination against a cultural group going on from the curly side.
2). Hasidic Community: You would like to pray as you wish AND NOT GET MURDERED. We would like to ride as we wish AND NOT GET MURDERED. Can we work on NOT GETTING MURDERED TOGETHER?! I beseech this community to remember those WE have lost (and ps my family tree has some digit tats too). Observe the Ghost Bikes popping up in and around the Williamsburg Bridge in rapid succession. Those are fallen brothers and sisters dood, killed by cars who decided they have more of a right to life and way.
3). Calling all Revolutionaries!! JOIN OUR FELLOW CANDY RAINER, HEATHER LOOP, IN PROTEST THIS SATUDAY. Attendees will be riding on the here-today-gone-tomorrw path in only their UNDERWEAR as a snarky call-out of that lie. For details, check this MSNBC Article. Support our right to RIDE! And peep the REVOLUTIONARIES who repainted the bike lane and were later arrested by the two-faced powers that be. (I hate when the term vigilante is misused - we are not punishing the Hasidic Community, we are protecting our lives)!


(heather loop 2nd to left)

Text Book Definitions:
Vigilante - A vigilante is someone who illegally punishes someone for perceived offenses, or participates in a group which metes out extrajudicial punishment to such a person. Often the victims are criminals in the legal sense, however a vigilante may follow a different definition of criminal than the local law.
Members of community watch programs and others who use legal means of bringing people to justice are not considered vigilantes. For example, in 1979 Curtis Sliwa founded the Guardian Angels in New York City, a recognized crime fighting organization that now has chapters in many other cities. See also citizen's arrest.

Revolutionary - A revolutionary is a person who either actively participates in, or advocates revolution.[1] Also, when used as an adjective, the term revolutionary refers to something that has a major, sudden impact on society or on some aspect of human endeavour.

Bigotry - A bigot is a person obstinately or intolerantly devoted to his or her own opinions and prejudices.
The correct use of the term requires the elements of obstinacy, irrationality, and animosity toward those of differing devotion. The origin of the word bigot and bigoterie in English dates back to at least 1598, via Middle French, and started with the sense of "religious hypocrite". Forms of bigotry may have a related ideology or world views.
'Til Next Time - Rubbin' Out
xxLylaDurdeNxx




12.11.2009

Will You Be My Number 2




Kels really kills it with this track. You have to listen to it off his myspace right now. I looked up the lyrics and this is what I found straight off metro lyrics. Perhaps written by the man himself.

It’s his best track since trapped in the Closet in my opinion. Peep my thoughts in bold.



Be My Number Two

verse 1:

i could never be ya boyfriend

cuz uu knoe ii gotta speacil girl

(yeap, exactly as I copied it)


nd ii cud never be ya husband

but dht dnt mean uu still dnt rock ma world

nd ii can uu take uu to an island

(what the hell is with the double u)

we can be there just the two of us

god ii love to see uu smilin

all i ask is that you keep it hushed



chorus:

be ma #2

gurl i love you

be my #2

gurl i need you

be my #2

gurl ur so fine (I think he says "so phat" first?) (so fine)

be my #2

but you will never be my #1 (echo x3)



verse 2:

ii cud take you out to dinner

but theres a couple places we wont go

cuz #1 is a beginner

nd theres a couple things that she dnt knoe

(right? is ths shrt hnd?)

so i can take you to a hotel

we can be there just the two of us

gurl i love you cuz uu dnt tell

nd uu knoe how to keep it hush hush



chorus:

be ma #2

gurl i love you

be my #2

gurl i need you

be my #2

gurl ur so fine (so fine)

be my #2

but you will never be my #1 (echo x3)



hook:

The way you give it to me

ii gotta have it (have it)

cuz shes ma beauty queen

nd ur ma have it (haa--aave it)

(habbit?)


so baby.....



chorus:

be ma #2 (yea)

gurl i love you (ooo i love you)

be my #2

gurl i need you (gurl ii need you)

be my #2

gurl ur so fine (so fine)

be my #2

but you will never be my #1 (echo x3)

It may sound crazii

be my number 2

ur my second baby

be my number 2

???????????????

wud uu lyke to me ma number 2



(oooo.oooooooo.oooooooooooo.)





listen to me

though i love your sex

i cant.i cant leave her

(nono)

though ya ass is incredbile (incredible)

i cnt.i cnt leave her

(nono)

see

we cud have fun

nd we cud do things gurl

we can do anything uu wnt

nd do it all night long

uu cud be ma number 2

uu cud be ma number 2

ii wanna hve some fun with you (yea!)

nd she dnt have to know

all the thounges (WHAT?) behind doors

(yeaaaa.ooooyea ooo)



For whatever reason he leaves out the best part! So I included it:

Dj Wayne Williams

I see you baby

Untitled ya’ll

Dance

Like you just don’t care, haha

Oh, we gone with this one, we out of here with this one.

Ummm,,,to all you hating motherfuckers, yeah. All you hating motherfuckers.uhhuh,

All you hating motherfuckers, slap. Slap. Slap. Slap.


One of the best comments on the youtube of that song was something along the lines of "Kels, after getting in trouble for dropping number one on a young ass bitch; don't drop a number 2!" Well, I think that is just how I read it but you get the idea. Regardless Kelz is my number 1! The lyrics above remind me of a string a text messages I got late one night after a Candy Rain party. I wish I still had them in my phone but I will try to do them justice.


random text: I wanna show my dick

me: who is this?

RT: genitulla neffu

Now how did I forget a man named Genitulla Neffu?

m: who?

it took a minute but then I realized he was probably talking about this dude that I call "genitalia." I am party-deaf and the first time I meet him I made him say his mame abou 5 times and every time I heard Genitalia.
"Do you know Genitalia?"

RT: yea, he my ukle

Ohhhh. ok. So you want to show your dick?

p.s. I'm wasted right now and I shouldn't be hating on grammar, especially since I almost spelled that like aligating on grammar.

12.10.2009

WOrk IT OuT, Get IT IN, LeT the GIviNg BEGIN!



Oh good sweet Cuddle Puddle ladies!!! Anya, this rock* solid suprah* bada* ss* chica that performed this good ole' little splitsey-hoo at our last Candy Rain party (and gots this baby thug in the bottom left corner in awe of the AWEsome POWaHssssssssssss of WOOman!!), Needs our HELP! House of Yes, the oddity of outrageous glory, standby staple of cheeky fantasy in the B*rookLawn[vietnam] commmuniTee, is in need of sponsors. And hey lad*es, havin' this act thowin' down with the CandyRa*n RainBows & Unicorn Shockers NYE@BeautyBar Brooklyn sounds pretty sweet - Check out the goodies that come along with MESSIAH status (and scope the amazing precursor email ;)>~~~~:

"Begin forwarded message:

From: anya@rock*solid suprah*bad*ss*chica <http://www.houseofyes.org/support>
Subject: Hey Lady!!!

My boyfriend was pretty blown away by the chains action at that crazy party the other night.

you have a mad loud voice. is there any place you could plug our online fundraiser drive?? pretty please? i'll get half naked and climb a chain for you for life!

xoxo

-anya
------------------------------
------------------
To the ones we love,

Over the past year and a half we have accomplished the impossible. Starting at a disadvantage of having nothing due to a completely destructive four alarm fire in April 2008, we then set out to renovate a raw building with limited resources. After shedding blood, sweat and tears we miraculously finished construction ahead of schedule in December 2008. Dozens of people have put into making the House of Yes the vibrant place it is today, and with your support we will grow even stronger.

We are in urgent need of raising $17,000 by December 12th, 2009.
For details on the fundraiser and to donate see: http://www.houseofyes.org/support/

With sold-out shows, constant rehearsals and events happening six days a week, the House of Yes fills a crucial role in a community of hundreds. The facilities at Yes simply don't exist anywhere else in a way that is financially accessible to such a large and varied community. In order to survive and continue to expand to serve the community better, we are looking to raise new capital to complete urgent improvements and to ensure the financial stability of the space. Every week dozens of artists, workers and performers donate dozens of hours it all going. It's a labor of love. Giving up, or losing momentum is not in our vocabulary. We know we can do this, but we desperately need your help.

Because your support means so much to us, we have put together some great "Thank You" packages for everyone who donates. All donations are tax deductible, as we are sponsored by a 501c3 not for profit Artistic Evolution. If you are unable to give you can still help us tremendously by spreading the word about the House of Yes and everything that happens here to anyone who might help in any way.

There are four levels of support. Choose the one that fits you best:

Be a Messiah...
...donate $1,000 to ensure our survival.

All Messiah level donors get:
  • A Rockstar Night with the Lady Circus! The ladies of Lady Circus will pick you up in a stretch limousine (donated for the night by Stan the Limo Man) to travel to North East Kingdom in Brooklyn for a free dinner and drinks, then to Carnival NYC for comped entry, two bottles of vodka (the good stuff) and rockstar treatment by the carnival performers, the ladies of Lady Circus the creators of TheDanger.com and other all-stars. This will be a night to remember (unless you hit the vodka too hard.)
  • Free VIP Admission to all House of Yes event for EVER! Anytime we are hosting a party or performance, your name will be on the list. Skip the line and pay nothing to everything hosted at the house for the rest of your natural life.
  • A big thank you with your name (or your company/organization name) on our website. We will show how much we appreciate your support in the most public way possible.
  • A Signed House of Yes T-Shirt. They look rad.

Be a Super-Hero...
...donate $500 to help improve the space.

All Super-Hero level donors get:
  • Free VIP Admission to all House of Yes event for a YEAR! Anytime we are hosting a party or performance, your name will be on the list. Skip the line and pay nothing to everything hosted at the house for one entire year!
  • A big thank you with your name (or your company/organization name) on our website. We will show how much we appreciate your support in the most public way possible.
  • A Signed House of Yes T-Shirt. You are too cute NOT to have one of these shirts.

Be a RockStar...
...donate $100 so we can keep the lights on.

All Rockstar level donors get:
  • Free VIP Admission to all House of Yes events through New Years Eve! Come FREE to our Christmas Spectacular, No Parking on the Dance Floor, or any of the dozen shows we have scheduled through the end of the year.
  • Four comped entries to TheDanger's New Years Eve party! Two spaces, a dozen dj's, performances by the Lady Circus and more all for free for you and four friends.
  • A big thank you with your name (or your company/organization name) on our website. We will show how much we appreciate your support in the most public way possible.
  • A Signed House of Yes T-Shirt. All the cool kids are wearing them. Where is yours?

Be Awesome
...donate $20 so we can make it till' next week.

All Awesome level donors get:
  • A big thank you with your name (or your company/organization name) on our website. We will show how much we appreciate your support in the most public way possible.
  • A House of Yes T-Shirt This shirt is worth like $85. You actually make a profit on this deal.
  • You get two entries into our Christmas Spectacular drawing. We will be hosting an award drawing with two dozen amazing gifts at the close of our Christmas Spectacular Show: Saturday, December 12th. Gifts include: a Rockstart Night with the Lady Circus, free Yoga Classes, fine-art prints, comped entrance to many different parties and more!
Please, donate here: https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=9973076


Thank you sincerely for your support. Without you, none of this would be possible."

Til' Next Time - Rubbin' Out

xxLylaDurdeNxx

12.08.2009

Willie the Warlock


This man is dangerous ladies....very, very dangerous. Who knew Unicorn shockers and Pixie Dust would complement a bow-tie ensemble so well? Le Sigh...

Til Next Time - Rubbin' Out
xxLylaDurdeNxx

12.06.2009

12.05.2009

NPH as Frosty the Blowman

Oh Neil Patrick Harris, how I adore thee. You've tried to destroy the world, you've branded a hooker's ass, and now...now...you are a dirty old snowball. Good times!

xxLylaDurdeNxx

12.03.2009

DICK TOWEL


http://dicktowel.com/dicktowel.html

11.30.2009

Ready, Set, XXX-MAS/Coitukah/Kamazaa!!!!


Well, here it is - 'tis the season once again. The air is a chilly like a lady with no willy and there are lists and plans aplenty to be made. Here's what I've got goin' on so far:

1.) Slip an especially dirrrty remix of 'Santa Baby' into the looping snoozfestival that is the office 'Holiday Soundtrack'. (Priority #1!)
2.) Plan a Pornament Party with the gals; inspired by this lovely 'piece' of work on etsy by madame Silletto . And hey, who needs to roast chestnuts when you can cast, mold, and hang them in ribboned glory about the house for your inlaws? EnvironMolds has a great how-to articles and shopping links. Seeing as how there is a definite lack of dick menorahs on the market - me 'n the ladies may have to make our own.
3.) Cook up some Sugar and Spice for my boys on lists 'Naughty' and 'Nice'. For the trolls of old, perhaps The Ultimate Guide to Cunnilingus by Violet Blue would make an excellent Kwanzaa Zawadi. Or better yet, for the rrreally old ex, perhaps this man girdle is order. But for Mister(s) Nice, Tim Butler at askmen.com has put together a titillatingly tantalizing list of Christmas Sex Positions; the elfin frolicking with helium sounds like an especially uproarious time.
4.) Gear up for the Candy Rain Magazine New Year's party!! Details to come soon!


The count down has begun, Ladies!


Til Next Time - Rubbin' Out
xxLyla DurdeNxx

11.22.2009

Someone make me A Candy Rain Version of this!



Just replace that dude with some awesome chick and maybe change all the poop to cum and obvs all the chicks to dudes with sweet boners. Someone, anyone, I need this in my life.

11.18.2009

the candy rain party was radical!!


even though it was literally raining all night, and i was in a spaceboot, dancing with a cane all night, i still had a good time!
thanks to baby for the pictures!
more to come!
ps- i got cake like everyday my birthday.....thanks weezy!

-dre

Snuggie Wuggie Was a Bear


Oh the Snuggie - cherished friend and familiar. When you've mistaken the fog in the air for the 8 AM fog in your brain and trek to work one pair of leggings too short - The Office Snuggie is there for you. When you are 2 days in to your monthly rendevous with Aunt Flow, watching Too Wong Foo know full well that inhaling your pint of B&J Phish Food is a very bad idea - The Couch Snuggie doesn't judge you...in fact he toasts your bloated toes. Now ladies, allow your heart of hearts to skip with glee as I share with you a revelation - The Bedroom Snuggie! That's right, pick off the leaves and the dog hair (and explain to your roomates that the Couch Snuggie will be indefinately M.I.A.) 'cuz this Snuggie's goin' DownTown! Follow our friends at the Snuggie Sutra for great tips and tricks on how to bring your Snuggie in on the threesome. My personal favorite is the 'Superwoman', the caption reads, "She wears the Snuggie on her back. He holds the other end in his teeth. You are super if you can hold yourself up and keep him quiet at the same time." BAH BAAAM!
Til Next Time - Rubbin' Out
xxLyla DurdeNxx

11.17.2009

Peep These Party Pics!

Check out the Village Voice slide show on the mayhem here! More to come soon and please send us more if you got em! And please send us your party tales, from what I heard some crazy shit went down.

Cuddle Puddle Breakdown




It was Friday the 13th, and the early New York skyline looked as though it would live up to the date’s incorrigible dogma. But for the women who were in the know, the skies could only be ‘rainin’ men’ at Liger Beat’s official unveiling of its new moniker, Candy Rain.

From the ‘burg over to the ‘slope, and from the ‘heights down to the ‘stuy, all of Brooklyn came to represent and give sugary kisses to the Candy Rain Girls. The night warmed up with a bang as the first guest gladly whipped out his Johnson for the camera. And he wasn’t the first dashing dude to take advantage of Candy Rain’s signature recession buster: A dick pic trade for free cover. We collected over 100 shots of longs, skinnies, balonie ponies and leaner wieners for your viewing pleasure my fair ladies. All to be seen in our upcoming issues of course (*winks*). Though yours truly was on ‘pep talk the CoverDood Contestants’ duty for most of the first bands, I couldn’t resist but to get my mini mosh on for Womb Ripper’s wicked set. But I must say my fan fave of the night was for sure Plush & Harmony’s sweet rendition of ‘Candy’. Replete with butterscotches and dum dums on stage (which shortly thereafter fell victim to the mouths of hungry women devoid of a 5-second rule); Felicia Plush rose majestically to the stage in a pantsless shocking pink sequined leotard that would make even GaGa writhe with jealousy while Reginald Harmony strummed to his lady’s cooing in the hawtest pair of bronze hot pants this side of Germany. It was sexilicious, and a great limbering up for the event of the evening – the Candy Rain CoverDood Contest.

Reining over the proceedings in a vintage Laura Ashley masterpiece was Madame Calisha Jenkins, who corralled the first round of hotties before their lady judges (dusty white wigs included!). The first horse out of the gate (or boxers rather) was our boy from Hood Ink – never makin’ the ladies wait for the main attraction. The obvious dry ups were shooed away quickly after a few seconds of ‘I’m sooo not with that guy’ dance moves, leaving a tasty harvest behind. The team work was on point in Round Two, with the boy’s hot body pyramid coming in a very close second to the beauty with the magic hands – Ladies, this man got a condom on a banana in under 5 seconds flat! Now that’s a talent you can bring to the bank. The crowd was becoming tangibly titillated as the rest of the ponies came out to play. A few unsuccessful stage dives (“b*tch I ain’ catchin’ your drunk ass!”) and sexy pull ups later we were on to the Feats of Strength: a pantsless airplane ride for our three lucky volunteers. The competition was fierce as it came down to only two – the Pretty boy and our boy at Hood Ink. Though Pretty was looking to be the for sure winner, he booooombed at the final test. Ladies we asked this dood, “How do you know she came?” and the subsequent “Uuuuugghhh” was seriously stoppin’ up the waterworks, that’s until Hood Ink came to the rescue with the perfect answer: “I know she came when I can feel it in my mouth!” Bah BAAAM! And the saucy Spaniard took the trophy and our wet dream. Look forward to his cover shoot featuring guns and black lights and check out his amazing glowy tats. And now if you’re wondering what the major malfunction was with the runner up, I got it on the up and up from my beautiful GBFF, Caramel Blondé, that the babe was definitely not knockin’ boots with any cowgirls if you know what I mean (alls the better for us that our stallion was straight). Turning around from the contest, we were greeted by a rad æon-esque aerial performance – with the one and only Lady Circus suspended in the air over us by a metal link chain. The rest of the evening was for the Dance-a-holics and our boy DirtyFinger on the tables was tearin’ it up. If you missed it, you’re certainly a sorry suckah – but no worries my fair, we’ll be back at cha before you can say sweet dick!


Til Next Time – Rubbin’ Out

xxLyla DurdeNxx

11.10.2009

We're Back! Don't Miss Our Best Party Yet This Friday!




This Friday we are getting crazy loose! As most of you know we had to change our name due to some legal BS, come celebrate the first party to benefit Candy Rain Magazine! Doors at 9:30. $5 but free if you show your dick at the door before 1:30. Coverdude Contest at 2! A performance from Ladies Circus plus Great Tiger, Guts For Garters, http://www.myspace.com/wombripper, Plush and Harmony, plus DJs Free Danger, Reverend McFly and Dirty Finger! Our legendary raffle, plus free condoms from No Condom No Way. Sponsored by Babeland and our love of dicks.

11.04.2009

They Can Even Dye A Condom To Match My Gown? Jolly Good Town.



I am really not into Lady Gaga's music but I am in love with her look and the more I hear her talk the more I wish I liked her music. She was accepting an award at the 13th annual Accessories Council Exchange and informed all them bitches what her favorite accessory really is:
"I think we must all remember that the ultimate accessory is the condom."

Hell to the yes! I hope she redoes the Kermit the Frog look with a bunch of condom decked dildos! She then went on to say that even though she loves to don a condom; music writing to her is about going raw dawg, ""Writing a record is like dating a few men at once. You take them to the same restaurants to see if they measure up, and at some point you decide who you like best. When you make music or write or create, it's really your job to have mind-blowing, irresponsible, condomless sex with whatever idea it is you're writing about at the time."

I love that. Though on the real, you should still look at that idea in the light before you get loose with it - just to make sure it doesn't have any weird discoloring or bumps, nahwhaimsayin. Idea warts - not the best look, it can get hard to sell and then they spread to all your other ideas, and then you have to call all those ideas and explain what happened and have them call everyone that listened to the idea...

10.15.2009

Monotonix in Richmond Va

HOLY SHIT I LOVE ROCK GODS. Its not everyday a power trio of real fucking rock comes at you from Israel. Monotonix Israeli finest played a ball busting show at Plaza Bowl in Richmond Virginia tonight. I haven't been rocked this hard in ages. The boys of Monotonix were glad to hear that they were voted "Rock Band Most Likely to have a gang bang with" also known as RBMLTHAGBW by our adoring Ligerbeat Fans. Here are some hot pics I took for you ladies. Cowboys saddle up I'm trying to sit on your face and ride that mustache like its a wild bull.



Pose for the camera baby. You know this one is my favorite




Can I see a shot of a real man




He knows what the ladies like



I love weed too dudes.




Did I mention these guys are Gods



Ligerbeat girls know how to party



best night ever
Masonroselee

9.30.2009

Would By A Rose By Any Other Name.... Still Have Dicks? Hell To The YEAH!!!

Boner Killer!!!!!!!!!!

Looks like a certain teeny-bopper magazine is trying to take our dicks down! That's right, we got a Cease and Desist order, so sadly Ligerbeat Magazine will be no more.

But ladies and gents, don't despair, we would never hide the salami, never deprive you of the baloney. We're full steam ahead on Issue 2, due out in early December, and it's packed full of so much ding-a-lings that we can barely close it! So dick lovers and Beat appreciators, help us pick out a new name. Below are our top picks, vote for yours by replying on the blog, or sending it to ligerbeat@gmail.com. And feel free to send in anything dicktastic that isn't on the list.

1. Real Talk
2. Candy Rain
3. Cocktales
4. Dicktales
5. Steam Dream
6. Baloney Pony
7. Skeet Skeet
8. Super Nice
9. Jillin' Off
10. Moose Knuckle
11. Grundin'
12. Scrumpin'



<<2009-09-02>>
Via E-MAIL ligerbeat@gmail.com and
ups second day delivery

Ligerbeat
Brooklyn, NY

Re: Infringement of Sounds Like Ligerbeat trademark
Dear: Dick Lover

This law firm represents Boner Killer, Inc., the owner of the Magazine That Sounds Like Ligerbeat trademark. Boner Killer's rights to the Sounds Like Ligerbeat mark are proved by its incontestable federal trademark Registration No. blah issued blah blah blah. A copy of the certificate of registration is attached.

The purpose of this letter is demand that you stop using Liger Beat or any other mark that is confusingly similar to or dilutes the Sounds Like Ligerbeat mark. Your use of sounds like Ligerbeat infringes Boner Killer's trademark rights under 15 U.S.C. § 1114 (infringement of a federally registered mark) and constitutes dilution by tarnishment under 15 U.S.C. § 1125(c), as well as constituting infringement and dilution under state law. If legal action is required to enforce Boner Killer's rights, it will seek an award of your profits, its damages (including enhanced damages), and attorneys' fees and costs, as authorized by 15 U.S.C. § 1117 and other law.

It is not the purpose of the this letter to detail every aspect of your infringement and tarnishment of the Magazine That Sounds Like Ligerbeat, which is self evident. In brief overview, the Ligerbeat mark is extremely close to the Sounds Like Ligerbeat mark in appearance, sound, and connotation, differing in only one letter. It is likely that this similarity will cause people to think that your magazine is affiliated or related in some other way to Sounds Like Ligerbeat, when that is not the case. Note that the similarity is actionable if it causes initial interest confusion regarding your magazine, even if people may ultimately come to understand that there is no affiliation. See, e.g., Brookfield Communications Inc. v. West Coast Entertainment Corp., 174 F.3d 1036 (9th Cir. April 22, 1999).

Moreover, your use of the name of a famous magazine directed to girls around the age of 12 to promote pornography aggravates the infringement. This is not simply a case where a consumer will be misled as to the relationship of various products—your use will likely expose young children to pornography.

The tarnishment to the reputation of Sounds Like Ligerbeat is even more clear. Associating the Magazine That Sounds Like Ligerbeat directed to young girls with pornography poses exactly the type of harm that the federal anti-dilution law is intended to prevent. Indeed, one of your (presently) anonymous staffers seem to admit to tarnishment: “It’s like Magazine that Sounds Like Ligerbeat threw up and turned into us,” jokes art director Yung Ho" (from http://newyork.timeout.com/articles/sex-dating/77791/new-sex-mags#ixzz0PyRBe3KH). While you may be free (within parameters) to distribute your material over the Internet, you are not free to associate it with the Magazine That Sounds Like Ligerbeat.

Assuming you agree to stop using Liger Beat and other confusingly similar names, Boner Killer is willing to consider this matter closed. I request that you contact me Mr. Boner Killer by the close of business on September 11, 2009, to discuss this; if you do not, Boner Killer may take legal action without further notice (including taking discovery from internet service providers as may be necessary to learn the true identities of all relevant Liger Beat personnel).

Very truly yours,
Boner Killer's Lawyer, Mr. Boner Killer

9.29.2009

Nude Dude Update!

So Gawker tipped me to this:


That dude is "The World's Fastest Nudist" and he's got a blog. Thank the dicklords, right!
Check it here.

Gawker also posted this nude dude video:


I don't really give a fuck about it 'cause he has a glowing flesh-colored orb over his dick. So, uhhhhhh yeah, glowing flesh orbs as nudity just doesn't cut the dick mustard...ugh mayonnaise.

Nude Dude Taco Time



The thing is...who jogs while eating a taco. Playa please, enjoy. Also, that fanny pack is kind of wack, why do you need such a big fanny pack, son? That is basically a purse on your dick, a ball sack if you will. You should downsize dude. Surrrriously.

9.26.2009

dicks vs vag in the bike world

I recently moved in with a good friend named Eva who runs this blog with her old roommates. She is an amazing writer and I really wanted to share this with as many people as possible. CHECK THIS ISH OUT

http://sixthreetwo.blogspot.com/2009/09/speaking-of-things-that-are-lame.html


9.24.2009

Sex Calculator!




I have spent so much of my life having sex that now everything else is a game of catch up. I would love to use this Sex Calculator and find out what my sex degrees of separation is but after fucking around so much I seriously don't have time to even begin to figure out how old each one of the dudes I fucked was when we did the dead. Shit, I don't even have the time to figure out how many people I have had sex with period. Also, I attempted to start (using a very loose ballpark fuck figure) and for the first partner they didn't even have my age bracket, the thing starts at 16. Whats that shit, no one fucks before 16? If you know how many people you've had sex with and know how old they all were then please calculate and let me know what the results are like. I would need the world's largest abacus (shown above from boingboing.net).

Live Action Barbie Movie Vs Bukkake Barbie Movie...

So, they are making a live action Barbie movie!? That could suck or not but I know it can't even hold a candle to this Barbie movie that is already in circulation.



Just sayin!

9.22.2009

THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO. WTF Part Two



Because AIDES Isn't SEXIST. A dude would actually love this creature for sex. Nice Strong multiple legs to wrap around him, A nice tail to stroke his back and stimulate his anus. Check out the art on the wall. Crazy

-Masonroselee

THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO. WTF



I didn't realize that every time I let a gigantic black spider eat my tang that I was risking getting AIDES. WTF man.

-MasonRoseLee

HE WOLF

9.20.2009

something you should check out

Mon 9/21
8:00 PM
The Sweet Sixteens, Teenage Cool Kids, Beat Beat (Austria), Knight School
Monday, September 21 @ Silent Barn
Silent Barn.


COME ON OUT!!! LOVERPUSS'S FRIENDS FROM TEXAS ARE HERE TO PLAY AND PARTY!!!!!!!! PLEASE COME OUT GUYS!!

9.19.2009

The first EVER Ligerbeat Coverdude Contest was a success!!

Thanks to all the hot dudes who entered, and all the beaters who showed up to represent!!! If you weren't there... sucks to be you!!!

We started with 11 bangable dudes, lined up and ready to go



Each were asked to perform various feets of strenght, AIRPLANE!!!



It wouldn't be a contest without squirtguns and underwear!




After shots and stunts and dicks, we were down to 2 hot dudes





And the winner is.........................

Ligerbeats First Ever Coverdude Contest Winner


For more pictures, check out Todd Sealy
http://everydayilive.com/ligerbeatcoverman/index.html

Or Time Out New York
http://www3.timeoutny.com/newyork/tonyblog/2009/09/hot-recap-ligerbeat-coverdude-contest/

If you missed Ligerbeat's Coverdude Contest, be sure to stay tuned for our upcoming Brooklyn rendition....Ligerbeat Coverdude Contest, new borough, new dudes, new mayhem....


Thanks again to TOYS IN BABELAND http://www.babeland.com/, NO CONDOM NO WAY http://www.nocondomnoway.com/, GOOD WOOD http://goodwoodnyc.com/, FALSE ARISTOCRACY http://falsearistocracy.blogspot.com/ in conjunction with the Ether Party, the sexy MLLE LENA http://mademoisellelena.com/, DJ KRAMES (who threw himself into the mix for us) http://www.goldwhistle.com/, KID STATIC http://www.kidstatic.com/ and the hot staff at HAPPY ENDINGS http://www.happyendinglounge.com/2005/!! Thanks for making history with us!!

9.14.2009

This Thurs! Ligerbeat Coverdude Contest...




This Thursday (9/17) we are cohosting the Ether Party at Happy Endings and we're having the first ever Ligerbeat Coverdude Contest.

This shit is gonna be bananas!
The party starts at 10. 2 FOR 1 WELL DRINK SPECIALS 10-11. All Coverdude contestants get a free shot!

Contest sign up closes at 1 and the contest begins at 1:30.

Its gonna be like America's Next Top Model sitting on the lap of American Idol while getting circle jerked by Ligerbeat. No nudity required...yet. Ladies, we need you to help us pick the wiener, Dudes come sign up if you think you're hot and for those of you too chicken shit to enter, you should come anyway. You know how the crowd at wet t-shirt contests is nothing but dudes, well take that logic to ligerbeat, itll be a sea of boss bitches scopin' on dudes britches. PLUS...

Free condoms from No Condom No Way!

The winning contestant gets a free prize from the amazing women at Toys in Babeland!


Good Wood is sponsoring and will be giving away some shit.

Our boy COBRA KRAMES aka Cobra Kai is the guest DJ.

Live Performance by Kid Static

+ Resident DJ's PROPER VILLAINS
MIKE DEXTRO
ALEXANDER BASSETT
+ Hosted by FRANCES EUGENIA
+ a performance by MLLE LENA

AND Live & Dirty Videos by MYLES BLAKE & BRIAN O'BLIVION

I am so excited!

9.08.2009

Her Bodies Smokin Like I Like My Trees.

A female weed pill!
New Lloyd Feat. Juelz Santana. Right now I love it but I don't know if I'll still love it tomorrow. Sort of like cocaine.

9.07.2009

BEST FRIENDS DAY BOYS GONE WILD #8













A weekend of drinking booze and getting loose with all of the best people I know. It was my first time and I assure not my last.  I have never seen so many smiling drunks in my life. I personally am in love with richmond! Favorite Adventure of my summer! if you didn't make to BFD #8 check out the link for a lot more flicks. And if any of you that did make it out  have some juicy Dick-Tails to share we would love you to comment or send um ligerbeat@gmail.com