from deep inside of our inbox

ligerbeat loves getting fan mail!
so put it in us! er, our inboxes, that is.
here's a submission from julie unrulie AKA julie angry.
we love this precious little ligerbeater...thanks ma!

i hesitate to write this as i know its weird but what is ligerbeat if not liberating? i thought id share with you a haiku i wrote [[true story ]] yesterday about a dick that was just too big:

a big black dildo
was too burly for my bag
named it black angus

you go girl! love you.

peace out, bush and dick

today is a new era. i've known nothing but bush for all of my adult life--he was sworn in when i was sixteen. and if the economic naysayers are to be believed, we are about to see a depression that's going to eliminate the middle class and throw the city of new york back to the bygone days of mean streets and chopping crack. luckily, the sex industry is about as close to recession-proof as you can get, after maybe booze, gambling, and steady huggin the block. funds go down, vice goes up, and that works for us. rest assured the labies of ligerbeat will weather the storm in our continuing crusade to eagle eye them dicks for you, our fair readers. mama loves a good challenge.

and so, i want to give a goodbye shoutout to g-dubs and big poppa d. you guys sucked at pretty much everything, but from here, things can only go up, right dick?

WARNING: WHAT YOU ARE ABOUT TO SEE MAY PERMANENTLY SCAR YOUR MENTAL. DON'T SAY I DIDN'T WARN YOU, SON.

bonggggggggggggg
commence operation shock and awe...

over and out,
crackie treehorn
coeditor in queef
ligerbeat magazine

ps - you know we will be keeping our eyes peeled for a prized peek at obama's d...beleedat. maybe then we can begin to make up the damage dick cheney's mooseknuckle has inflicted upon your bruised and fragile sex drive.

pps - i'm shaving my bush for the occasion.

dicks on bricks: boner

dicks on the street...street dicks!
no, not that kind of street dick...the other kind.

there is, blissfully, no shortage of cock references in the wonderful world of graffiti. i'll spare you the obvious puns that could be drawn between the parallels of being a cocky motherfucker and getting your name up in as many places as possible, because that is neither here nor there. we'll never know why this person picked the name boner, but my guess would be, um, because it's awesome, and that's reason enough for me.

at any rate, nothing brings a tear to the eye of a young pornographer like looking up and getting a good eyeful of dickspiration. props to this guy for catching wreck in the name of the d. ligerbeat like totally hearts you.

and now, without further ado, i present to you the niyasty philly stylings of BONER YKK.








stay tuned for further installments of dicks on bricks.
throwies that get your panties wet. chea.

adventures in the land of schlongs

having your life be suddenly and completely consumed by the pursuit of dick is a pretty strange thing to have happen to you.

i mean, one day you're shuffling along the platform allowing the sea of commuters to herd you towards first your coffee spot and then, eventually, into your dreary office, then towards your desk, where you take a deep breath and prepare to hunker down over eight hours' worth of pushing papers around, and the next day you're in a bar bathroom explaining porn law to some hot stranger who just showed you his boner and is exactly one half excited and one half fucking intimidated as shit.

what started out as yet another one of our harebrained schemes--and believe me, there have been many--a day in the life of the ligerbeat labies crew is the stuff of larry david's wet dreams--somehow evolved into this raging dick machine that is, at this point, pulling us all along full steam ahead towards our pursuit of being the hugh hefners of cock. 

and you know what? i ain't mad. quite the opposite, in fact: i've never been so excited about anything in my entire life. the romantic in me has entertained the notion, on more than one occasion, that perhaps i was born to do exactly this; maybe everything that's happened to me has been one big prelude to the lisafrankesque banana split sundae that is ligerbeat.

my name is crackie treehorn, aka jacqueef, aka fellatia libatia crackson. 

my mission, along with all of my ligerbeat labies crew, is to bring you hot wangs on a platter, in all of their grimy glory. along the way we'll be dabbling in a little witty repartée, naughty nightlife shenanigans, some feminizzle-flavored musings, and, of course, a healthy dose of pure, unbridled irreverence. 

bring on the sexual chocolate, bitches.

crackie treehorn, known pornographer. 

snow bunny, gettin' money, keep it scummy. never bummy.

we out there.

Cooking gets me so hard im going to be walking down the street just clothes lining children with my cock.

This guy:

The Cunt Chef - watch more funny videos

Reminds me of this guy:


Merrill Howard Kalin - Cooking with Retards - The best video clips are here
Imagine if they were on Top Chef together!

I love Merrill's Julia Child impersonation. Even better, if Merrill did an impersonation of The Cunt Chef on his show. By the way cunt chef, I am feeling what your saying about how important garlic is but son unless you totally suck at twat grubbin' a pussy should moisten right up once it hits your lips. Rather or not you can eat I still want to dine with you at your twat-toria.

your impatient editor-n-queef,
Calisha Jenkoff