adventures in the land of schlongs

having your life be suddenly and completely consumed by the pursuit of dick is a pretty strange thing to have happen to you.

i mean, one day you're shuffling along the platform allowing the sea of commuters to herd you towards first your coffee spot and then, eventually, into your dreary office, then towards your desk, where you take a deep breath and prepare to hunker down over eight hours' worth of pushing papers around, and the next day you're in a bar bathroom explaining porn law to some hot stranger who just showed you his boner and is exactly one half excited and one half fucking intimidated as shit.

what started out as yet another one of our harebrained schemes--and believe me, there have been many--a day in the life of the ligerbeat labies crew is the stuff of larry david's wet dreams--somehow evolved into this raging dick machine that is, at this point, pulling us all along full steam ahead towards our pursuit of being the hugh hefners of cock. 

and you know what? i ain't mad. quite the opposite, in fact: i've never been so excited about anything in my entire life. the romantic in me has entertained the notion, on more than one occasion, that perhaps i was born to do exactly this; maybe everything that's happened to me has been one big prelude to the lisafrankesque banana split sundae that is ligerbeat.

my name is crackie treehorn, aka jacqueef, aka fellatia libatia crackson. 

my mission, along with all of my ligerbeat labies crew, is to bring you hot wangs on a platter, in all of their grimy glory. along the way we'll be dabbling in a little witty repartée, naughty nightlife shenanigans, some feminizzle-flavored musings, and, of course, a healthy dose of pure, unbridled irreverence. 

bring on the sexual chocolate, bitches.

crackie treehorn, known pornographer. 

snow bunny, gettin' money, keep it scummy. never bummy.

we out there.