Dudes Who Fell the Fuck Off: D'angelo

You know when you see one of your exes, and they blew up like they ain't been doing shit but sitting on their asses, eating nothing but cheesesteaks and playing Halo since you broke up? (Not that there's anything wrong with that.)

Well, that's how I felt when I saw how D'angelo is looking these days. Now I have always had a little sum sum for this singer-songwriter, who's a b-list hometown hero back in Richmond, Virginia. Since his popularity during the neosoul heyday in the late nineties/early eights, D'angelo went half on a baby with the amazing Jill Scott, got knocked on the weed/DUI tip, caught a coke possession charge, then flipped himself out of an SUV upon contact with some farmer's fence in Powhatan. Oops.

This is how he looked before all that:

PSL's? Check.
Pretty brown eyes deeper than sound? Check.
Adorable dimples and sexy half-smile? Check.
The ill pelvic v-cuts? Check.

Shoulders and biceps that look like they were made for doing pushups all over my crotchal? Check.

That's right players, they grow 'em right in Southside. Well, sometimes.

And this is his mugshot after the car crash:

Now don't get me twisted, I'd still hit. Mama's never really mad at a little chub chub, and if the eyes and voice are still in tact, so is my crush. However, I think it's still reasonably safe to say that out-of-control neckbeard and sad, lost little thousand-mile stare put D'angelo squarely into dudes who fell the fuck off territory.

After returning from a stint at a baller rehab joint in Antigua, he's been getting his shit straight and working on his third studio album, tentatively titled james river and slated for release some time this year. Fingers crossed that he gets back on the grown and sexy path ASAP... all of us Ligerbeat ladies are pulling for your D, D!