Oldie but a goodie.

Sometimes it pays to be unemployed and have time to sit around looking at you and your friends' lives over the past few years on flickr.

With all my spare time, I was able to find a gem such as this, with a Beater herself looking a trouser snake dead in the eye!

Boys pee pee when they see me.

Okay, dear Beaters. Let me just clear up any potential confusion on this subject before your pervy lil' gears get to spinnin' by stating that I am in no way shape or form into getting peed on. I may be submissive but I prefer to keep my showers clear, not golden. If you're one of those girls who gets off on walking around with your man's piss in your hair, more power to you, but Crackie don't play that.  

That being said, it has always sort of fascinated me that most men are totally unafraid to drain the snake in public, popo and passersby be damned. It's right up there with dudes drinking milk straight from the carton, opening beer bottles with lighters, switching lanes while switching gears, and other things that I am perfectly capable of doing myself but would rather see done by a meaty pair of (preferably heavily tattooed) forearms. If that makes you mad, like maybe you're feeling like you want to take away my feminizzle card, then so be it, but I want no part in any club that doesn't let me trick men into doing physical labor for me. Fuck outta here with that mess, I got nails to maintain, ya heard?

But back to the splatter at hand. Shit is masculine as fuck. I mean, think about it. The ease with which they assume that solid, legs-slightly-parted stance; the blatant disregard to catching a public urination charge (no small potatoes here in New York, where violators are required to register as sex offenders); and the fact that you know they're touching their dick, albeit in a completely nonsexual context: all of these things make me feel all warm and fuzzy in my no-no place.  

And then at the same time, there's a vulnerability factor there that can't be overlooked. Standing there, eyes closed, head tilted slightly back, lost in the relief of emptying a probs booze-filled bladder--they're totally immersed in the euphoria of the pee. That combination of fierceness and susceptibility is, if you think about it, one of the most lovable occurrences in nature. (For the record, I think girls who are ballsy enough to drop trou under the wild blue yonder are also rad as fuck, but since this is a blog about how much we love dick, I'll leave that one to another time and place.)

I've talked to some other ladies about whether or not this particular interest qualifies me for legit creep status. Calisha Jenkins, for example, does not see the appeal. But I've heard tell of other chicks who are equally fascinated, if not more so. So, with that in mind, I bring you the first in a series of original photographs meant to objectify dudes taking leaks (because, after all, we are female chauvinists if nothing else). What do you think, girls? Gross? Hot? Leave it in the comments, yo.

Dudes in clothes: gift wrapping a sausage.

It started with Fuck Yeah! Ryan Gosling. And now we have What Chuck Wore. Sometimes I look in a dude's eyes to see the base of the dick, you know. Also, let it be noted I met Mr. Bass at a real swanky open bar party for Eva Amurri's bday (natch, I was double-fisting a 'Goose dirty martini and a glass of Cristal). I strolled over to him and started chatting him up about how I wanted to interview him for BUST; we made our way over to a corner where he sang Remix to Ignition to me in a British accent while that other dude from Gossip Girl with the gay face stood by looking gay. A friend of mine went to a GG wrap party where I instructed him to remind my new flame of how deep his love for me was and that if he wanted we could do the entire interview in song a la Trapped in the Closet, and that would rule my world. Sadly, he must sing Kels to errrrybody, or he was fully loaded, 'cause he didn't remember that magic moment at all. Either way, at least I remember the serenade. And seriously even if it wasn't Chuck Fucking Hotness Bass I would have totally fallen for any British rendition of Kels, unless it was I Believe I Can Fly...just shut the fuck up with that. 

So yeah, sometimes I look at dudes in clothes and I like it, don't hate.

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Calvin Klein loves dick

If there are two things I love it's Dicks and Fashion. This season I hope to be wearing both of these things. Calvin Klein's allows us to have our cake and eat it too.

MasonRoseLess

Picasso knew what was going on.

I have always been a huge fan of Picasso. I knew he had an appetite. But I was not aware of how sexual in nature that appetite was. So today, I would like to toast Picasso. I lift my glass of wine to you. As a Woman Who Loves Dick, I share your inspiration.

MasonRoseLee

DICKS AROUND THE WORLD

I've spent the last few weeks vacationing in Europe. All I can say is a picture is worth a thousand words. thank you. thankyou. This dick is like a cheesecake. I want to eat it and then regret it.























Masonroselee
known pornographer

It's the month to paddle down the poon lagoon!

My labies at BUST clued me into the fact that we are in the midst of celebrating National Masturbation Month! To celebrate I bring you my fave Vaginia Power clip evs.


Get your she-bop on ladies!

Bad bitch alert

Yo NYC! 'Chu doin' tonight? Get off your ass and go check out lady rapper/dj extraordinaire (and total Ligerbeat girl crush) Jasmine Solano. This Philly girl turned Brooklyn broad is about her business, and you know we always super duper extra cosign ladies doin' it for they damn selves. Whether holding down the decks at her weekly dance party Electric Punanny (what about the part where cohost Melo X describes the party as "an electric vagina oozing with wetness"--he ain't lyin'), lacing the mic lovely while on tour with the homies Ninjasonik, or blazing up the airwaves with that heat on Emerson College's WERS, Miss Jazzy is definitely one to watch. But don't take my word for it. Go peep for yourselves.

Free Danger Caught on Tape

Tonight at the Market Hotel at 9pm. $5, all proceeds go towards showpaper, NYC's free local music showlisting zine. Our girl Susan Juvet and her mans laced together their favorite Youtube videos and we are stoked to see it because homegirl is just about as Ligerbeat as they come. With stand-up at intermission! Come through and support your local labies doin' thangs.

You can find the trailer rightchea.

The new Ligerbeat mascot

This is not really wang-related, but everyone fucking loves kittens, so I figured, what the hey. Beaters, meet your new mascot, Lil Wanda Loosie Ma, AKA LaWanda, AKA Loose Loose.

I got her about a week ago from the ASPCA up on 92nd, saw her in her cage and it was love at first sight. When we let her out, I crouched down to pet her and she crawled right into my lap. She had been at the shelter for four months, which is a really long time. Nobody wanted her because she's missing an eye and has a bum heart. Which is fine by me because now she is mine all mine!

The vet (who, I might add, was grade A Ligerbeat material: young, educated, and heavily tattooed) said she got brought in from a feral colony with her eyeball literally hanging out of its socket. They think she must have been an escaped pet before she became a stray, because she is so amazingly sweet and loving. She is very encouraging of my lounging habits, and can usually be found giving me facenudges or anchoring me down to the couch by placing her fat ass directly in my lap. She is so fuzzy and nommy! I have lived with kitties before but never had my own. I'm so in love.

Sometimes I think she might miss the streets. But then she'll creep up and give me little kitty kisses and I know she's glad to be here.
She is a bad lil' broad.

Correction: Let it be known that Lil Wanda Loosie Ma is the feline mascot of Ligerbeat. We can't forget about our little puppy friend Radar who is and forever will be our trusty canine mascot! He travels with us and everything.