Looks like a certain teeny-bopper magazine is trying to take our dicks down! That's right, we got a Cease and Desist order, so sadly Ligerbeat Magazine will be no more.
But ladies and gents, don't despair, we would never hide the salami, never deprive you of the baloney. We're full steam ahead on Issue 2, due out in early December, and it's packed full of so much ding-a-lings that we can barely close it! So dick lovers and Beat appreciators, help us pick out a new name. Below are our top picks, vote for yours by replying on the blog, or sending it to email@example.com. And feel free to send in anything dicktastic that isn't on the list.
1. Real Talk
2. Candy Rain
5. Steam Dream
6. Baloney Pony
7. Skeet Skeet
8. Super Nice
9. Jillin' Off
10. Moose Knuckle
Via E-MAIL firstname.lastname@example.org and
ups second day delivery
Re: Infringement of Sounds Like Ligerbeat trademark
Dear: Dick Lover
This law firm represents Boner Killer, Inc., the owner of the Magazine That Sounds Like Ligerbeat trademark. Boner Killer's rights to the Sounds Like Ligerbeat mark are proved by its incontestable federal trademark Registration No. blah issued blah blah blah. A copy of the certificate of registration is attached.
The purpose of this letter is demand that you stop using Liger Beat or any other mark that is confusingly similar to or dilutes the Sounds Like Ligerbeat mark. Your use of sounds like Ligerbeat infringes Boner Killer's trademark rights under 15 U.S.C. § 1114 (infringement of a federally registered mark) and constitutes dilution by tarnishment under 15 U.S.C. § 1125(c), as well as constituting infringement and dilution under state law. If legal action is required to enforce Boner Killer's rights, it will seek an award of your profits, its damages (including enhanced damages), and attorneys' fees and costs, as authorized by 15 U.S.C. § 1117 and other law.
It is not the purpose of the this letter to detail every aspect of your infringement and tarnishment of the Magazine That Sounds Like Ligerbeat, which is self evident. In brief overview, the Ligerbeat mark is extremely close to the Sounds Like Ligerbeat mark in appearance, sound, and connotation, differing in only one letter. It is likely that this similarity will cause people to think that your magazine is affiliated or related in some other way to Sounds Like Ligerbeat, when that is not the case. Note that the similarity is actionable if it causes initial interest confusion regarding your magazine, even if people may ultimately come to understand that there is no affiliation. See, e.g., Brookfield Communications Inc. v. West Coast Entertainment Corp., 174 F.3d 1036 (9th Cir. April 22, 1999).
Moreover, your use of the name of a famous magazine directed to girls around the age of 12 to promote pornography aggravates the infringement. This is not simply a case where a consumer will be misled as to the relationship of various products—your use will likely expose young children to pornography.
The tarnishment to the reputation of Sounds Like Ligerbeat is even more clear. Associating the Magazine That Sounds Like Ligerbeat directed to young girls with pornography poses exactly the type of harm that the federal anti-dilution law is intended to prevent. Indeed, one of your (presently) anonymous staffers seem to admit to tarnishment: “It’s like Magazine that Sounds Like Ligerbeat threw up and turned into us,” jokes art director Yung Ho" (from http://newyork.timeout.com/articles/sex-dating/77791/new-sex-mags#ixzz0PyRBe3KH). While you may be free (within parameters) to distribute your material over the Internet, you are not free to associate it with the Magazine That Sounds Like Ligerbeat.
Assuming you agree to stop using Liger Beat and other confusingly similar names, Boner Killer is willing to consider this matter closed. I request that you contact me Mr. Boner Killer by the close of business on September 11, 2009, to discuss this; if you do not, Boner Killer may take legal action without further notice (including taking discovery from internet service providers as may be necessary to learn the true identities of all relevant Liger Beat personnel).
Very truly yours,
Boner Killer's Lawyer, Mr. Boner Killer